all I want in life is a micropenis

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I camt wait to buy more clothes that I'm never going to wear

  1. gaymilesedgeworth:

    gaymilesedgeworth:

    after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

    image

    (Source: surprisedentistry)

  2. theocseason4: “this is so fucking funny ”

    theocseason4:

    this is so fucking funny

    (Source: thestanconfessions)

  3. scofflawsins:

    rhaella:

    why is barbie’s the nutcracker the only good film adaption of the nutcracker that has ever been made

    because barbie movies slap next question

  4. elodieunderglass:

    vandorendra:

    detectivegamer:

    defilerwyrm:

    getsuthebiker:

    mojave-red:

    spacelesbians:

    queervashti:

    shinymegacrobat:

    gif87a-com:

    A hummingbird thought a man’s orange hat was a flower [x]

    Iv never seen a hummingbird sit before lol

    i wasn’t going to reblog until he sat 

    image

    HE SITS

    Plomp

    Dafuck is wrong with this here flower…

    she is BETRAYED

    @sudokuphobe !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    @elodieunderglass

    Thank you so much! 

  5. (Source: paxamericana)

  6. (Source: warmheartworm)

  7. graynard:

    wearing one of those “make love, not war” shirts with frida kahlo on it absolutely soaked with tears and cum

  8. bluethisisforyou:

    you know that part in emperor’s new groove when devil kronk is like “that’s nothing. look what I can do” and does a one-handed handstand and then angel kronk is like “he’s got a point”? that’s two brain cells representation babey

  9. ludashiki:

    dorknewton:

    I’m BI I’m HOMELESS I have RADIATION POISONING and I’m NEW IN TOWN

    image
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  11. timotaychalamet:

    Planetarium (2016) dir. Rebecca Zlotowski

  12. officialunitedstates:

    I’m out of dr pepper i mean mortgage money. please let me know if you have four dollars to donate and ill send you the link to send me four dollars

  13. officialunitedstates:

    dolphinfag666:

    hot take but officialunitedstates is the Only Good large, continuous tumblr blog. no serious discourse, and since we know so little about who runs it, we can’t cancel them. They post good writing with running jokes, have a wildly brilliant and bizzare way of speaking, and their stuff is actually… funny? Like their obsession with being an art blog? I just. I jusst really have a lot of love in my heart for officialunitedstates. hopefully they live on until the very end. they will be the last, the textpost blog that outlived the headassery of memufacturing, gaud, and all the other bullshittery I can’t remember right now. The only serious scandal ever with them was that they spent the money they raised to pay their mortgage on thousands of cans of Dr. Pepper and people thought they were being serious. 

    this is the most anyone’s ever discoursed me but I just want to say that dr pepper is getting the short end of the stick here and deserves more air time. dr pepper is a wonderful drink that tastes crisp going down and crisp in the throat. dr pepper - a 3rd party drink that you can really sink your teeth into

  14. bratzfemme:

    hearing someone you love laugh is? easily one of the best things on earth

    (Source: batterycity2019)

  15. the-darkest-of-souls:

    hyrude:

    ive eaten shrimp exactly 5 times in my life, always with gusto and an utter lack of self-restaint, and each time has ingrained itself in my memory as distinctly nightmarish when they ended with me ralphing it all back up within the hour. i thought this was reflective of my hubris and insufficient fear of god, but it is only as i write this post now, crumpled to my knees on the floor of this eresto’s bathroom after eating half a baja taco and recalling that my dad is allergic to shellfish, i realize perhaps the issue is not with a higher power, but with a deeper one. biology.

    This is absolutely amazing